Hi. This is how it starts today, okay? Take a big stretch wherever you need it at this exact moment and settle in. Let’s grab this quote by Laurie Anderson and go from there because some rules are just too cool to say that there are no rules: “I’m just going to mention these three rules that Lou [Reed] and I had… The first one is don’t be afraid of anyone. Imagine your life if you’re not afraid of anyone. Two, get a really good BS detector and learn how to use it. Who’s faking it and who is not? Three, be really tender. And with those three, you’re set”.
My BS detector is getting really good these days, Laurie. Who’s faking it and who is not? Am I faking it? Always remember to ask yourself that one, and my answer is no not so much these days. My divinity is fair and present enough to know that time is no match for ego. Don’t let them fool you. The thing about sober eyes and being honest with your divinity, is that it gives you the even-ness of its own light. It shines on all the much-loved and advertis-able parts as much as it shines on the ugly cracks we’d much rather ignore. It falls on us all evenly, in all strange places. It’s strange to witness this unveiling of your life through the projection of your light. All of a sudden, the “all knowing oracle” that you’ve been watching for months, is cracked open in the honesty and light of your perspective. You see that they are simply human. The strange part is not that they are human. It’s not like YOU are shocked to see behind the curtain. I think we can all agree that this would be the most comforting part of the story. No, the strange part, to me, is that THEY do not know that they are human. This is the tin foil crown wearing moment of the pride parade where terms alluding to “the secret of life” are thrown around a $10,000 a night villa. I might be magical, but I know it’s only because I am human.
Why would I trust some woman in a sun hat and crystals to know more about my mindfulness than I do just because she wrote a book about it? People like us know better than most about how easy it is to lose perspective: especially when you forget about the even-ness of your divine light. If you don’t continue to use your BS detector on you and your world how do you know who’s real? The more I follow this the more signs I receive, and the more I am pushed into what is cool and real for me. Right now, I’m soaking in the light within the light on an empowerment track. Right now I am inspired to live by some very cool, real and heart melting women. Women who use their light to get shit done like Lauri Stallings, Kal Barteski, Holly Whitaker, and this blonde girl on Instagram, Janne Robinson, who’s my age and travels around the world writing beautiful stories. Those folks are real to me. The people who invite you in and create more space for you to unfold yourself and create your magic. They bring that fleeting feeling around in the best way. The ringing you’ve always known from some long, long lifetime ago. They just remind you that it’s already yours, and they make the cheap and quality versions very apparent to me. Quality usually runs on a donation basis, from my experience. How much would you pay for piece of mind if you knew it was already within you?
It’s amazing how much power we forfeit in all of this. Drinking made it impossible for me to trust myself. This is where the asking-if-what-I’m-doing-is-okay-to-be-doing came into play. To drink and to function like I functioned, required a great deal of work. Sobriety is hard, but DRINKING WAS HARD, too. I had to feel out some sort of baseline for reality by relying on other people, so fresh out of drinking, the way that I drank, my baseline for reality was wiped. I’d given up my nerve completely. I was exposed and awkward, sea legs and all over the place. This is where I became a moth with giant eyes walking towards the shiny oracle thing. It only makes sense that I would transition from neon bar signs to 1-800-HEALING billboards. It’s not that it’s wrong. It’s just not what your soul will crave for eternity. It’s not meant for you for the long haul. It’s the truck stop on the way to somewhere else. I wouldn’t change it, but it’s not the place for me now in this light.
All in all, it’s hard to know what fears are real and which ones are keeping us from our true potential. How do you know when to back off and when to be bold? I’ve heard it called God consciousness in some circles. I’m not saying that the intuition inside of us is anything apart from God consciousness. Not at all. I’m just saying that the divine and unchangeable parts of myself that make me who I am, are already within me. Getting back into what you need instead of what you think you need. Maybe it’s trading your tin foil crown, for a paper crown, or for the final moment where you stop wearing crowns all together because you love that way the most. ❤