“The things that make you happy are the things that always make you happy. Everything else is an overlay”- Sharon Salzberg on Rich Roll podcast this week. It’s easy to let the excess swell into the balance of your real world, isn’t it? The joy I receive from reality, right now, doesn’t require any boosts or enhancements. I know that I spent a lot of time forgetting about myself while drinking, so it doesn’t hurt to get a good reminder about remembering myself in sobriety. I probably need a lot of reminding that the real reward comes from owning my real world. It’s mine, and it serves me. Honoring it is living my truth. The things that are essential to my truth will still make me happy long after the circus leaves town (even as I leave town with it). Less excess, please, and lots of breathing again, thank you. Things will happen at you and around you, but that doesn’t make your truth any more or less fulfilling. It always has meaning. (Click link to listen in on Meditation Master Sharon Salzberg | Rich Roll Podcast).
The past two weeks have been a challenge for me. It seriously took 9 days of stress and anger to chill out and soften my throat. It wasn’t until this afternoon in the elevator that I really exhaled all of this intensity. 9 DAYS actually, to soften my heart enough to produce something genuine, something as remarkable as “hello”. I wished this woman with all the grocery bags in the elevator to have a nice day, AND I asked what floor she needed me to press. Yes, this was my Mother Teresa moment breaking the stuck up streak of the past week and a half. Everything else has pretty much been foused on growing my world. I tried to get somewhere with an idea that seemed more important than actually being present. I think sometimes the internet recovery community can be counteractive, sometimes.
“The problem with the faith pool these days is that all the noise is coming from the shallow end. I waded into the deep end, and that has made all the difference.” -Glennon Doyle Melton, Carry on, Warrior.
Hyper-recovery mode happens, people. I felt like I was doing major damage control with something as important as my wellbeing, “hello!”, that required my whole heart and attention. This is dangerous for me. I’ve been falling into old behavior from fear, not love. After listening to Sharon on the podcast today, I felt okay about me. It got quiet again, finally. I thought now this is real. Basically, she’s awesome, and she has a new book out called “Real Love” that will be in my hands shortly, but for now I’m inspired by this article, “Love Doesn’t Make Us Stupid – It Makes Us Brave“. She explains how gratitude helps us tune into what’s really important in life for recognition instead of seeking out “frills, phobias, and distractions” for validation. Living in gratitude allows us to embrace what we have now and find value in need instead of chasing after want. Sharon goes on to notice how difficult this can be in a world that is so focused on wanting more by saying, “our restless and competitive world shames us when we say we are grateful. Well, maybe that’s enough for you, but the people who really succeed in this life always want more. It’s never enough.” ( Salzberg, Love Doesn’t Make Us Stupid- It makes Us Brave)
“Sharon Salzberg is an amazing teacher, and her words and inspiration in Real Love illuminate the way to love wisely, a treasure for your heart.” —Jack Kornfield (Click here to order your copy of “Real Love”)
The feeling of “never enough” could easily sum up two decades of my life. To me, “never enough” meant that I was obligated to be extra everything else for everyone else at all times. This unnecessary and exhausting game was fueled by a fear that I may not receive any love at all if I didn’t fill my emptiness with something big. I did not let love fuel me. I didn’t trust. It was like watching someone else failing to connect. That’s exactly what happened- nothing fancy. I turned every birthday, family gathering etc… into some kind of confusing, grandeous gesture. I felt like I had to wheel in a parade for the party because simply showing up as myself wasn’t enough. I didn’t believe that my company alone had value. Pictures, letters, and apologies etc…Desperate for confirmation that everything was O.K. Quit looking for it in their answers. Quit looking to them for answers that only you posess.
Sometimes it seems like if I don’t share all that I have right now, then maybe I will disappear. Maybe I will go unnoticed, and they will forget that I am here-is that so horrible? I feel good in my house. My real world makes me happy. It’s okay to just calm down and appreciate what I have without so much ambition. It’s okay to enjoy life as it is sometimes. Let that sink in. I still have a hard time being patient and letting my creativity calm down enough to actually grow, but I’m learning. There is a lot of room for love out there, so what is it that I am trying to communicate?